901. Interrogation song - Bret McKenzie

Sam: Kermit, let's begin
Describe the day you played Berlin
Constantine (pretending to be Kermit): We rehearsed and then we walked about
We ate bratwurst and sauerkraut
Jean Pierre: That night, at 10:03
Were you inside the portrait gallery?
Constantine: From 10:00 to 10:04
Was when we did the show's encore
Sam: Hm, frog, we've got our doubts
Can you confirm your whereabouts?
Constantine: My alibi is watertight
The audience saw me sing all night
Jean Pierre: Monsieur, we know you did the crime
Constantine: I was onstage that whole time
Ask who sang Rainbow Connection.
Sam and Jean Pierre: Thank you, Kermit! No more questions!
Jean Pierre (spoken): Hello! I think it's time for good cop/romantic cop.
Miss Piggy, you cleaned up lock inside
Now's your chance to save your hide
Miss Piggy: Oh, gentlemen, I did not know
It's a crime to steal the show
Sam: Tell us how the art was taken
Jean Pierre: If you want to save your bacon
Miss Piggy: I haven't seen your missing art
All I stole was audience hearts
Sam: We can give you a plea deal
Jean Pierre: All you have to do is squeal
Miss Piggy: I'm not a thief, I don't know how
All I've ever taken is a bow
Jean Pierre: We'll catch the swine that did this job
Miss Piggy: Give up the pig puns, creep!
Go jump in a lake, that's my suggestion!
Sam and Jean Pierre: Thank you, Piggy! No more questions!
Jean Pierre (spoken): I think she likes me, no?
Sam (spoken): I don't think your puns are helping the investigation.
Jean Pierre: You know, I think they did it
Sam: No, they didn't!
Jean Pierre: Yes, they did, and we can pin it
Sam: If they did, how did they do it?
Jean Pierre: If they didn't, how did they didn't?
Sam: If they didn't, then it's easy
'Cause they simply didn't do it
Jean Pierre: If they did it, then I knew it
But we've nothing that can prove it!
(spoken): Ahem. Oh excuse me. Bring in the purple guy with the schnoz.
Sam: Do you remember what you did
On the night you played Madrid?
Gonzo: I was hit by a raging bull
And rushed off-stage to the hospital
Jean Pierre: Gonzo, what do you know
About the sculpture theft at Madrid's Prado?
Gonzo: I never saw the stolen bust
I spent the night in bed concussed
Sam: The truth, Gonzo, the clock is ticking
Gonzo: If you don't believe me, ask the chicken
Camilla was there, she'll cooperate
Jean Pierre: Madam, are you willing to corroborate?
Camilla: (clucking)
Sam: Will somebody get this chicken out of there?
Gonzo: Calm down, Camilla, it's a routine inspection
Sam and Jean Pierre: Thank you, Gonzo! No more questions!
Jean Pierre: Let's go from the start
What do you know about the stolen art?
Lew Zealand: I didn't know there was a plan
Dr. Teeth: Your accusation's far out, man!
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: The chances of us committing a crime
Are less than .009
The Swedish Chef: (Faux-Swedish)
Jean Pierre: To help with our investigation
Can you do a full translation?
Translator: What the chef just said to you was
"Shnoopdy-shnoopdy-shnoo." It's not Swedish
Animal: (grunts and laughs)
Penguins: (quacking)
Fozzie Bear: Uh, I can do an Elvis impression
Sam and Jean Pierre: Thank you, Muppets! No more questions!
Jean Pierre: They didn't
Sam: No, they didn't
Jean Pierre: There's no way they did the crime
Sam: They couldn't, they're too stupid
Jean Pierre: They're not criminal masterminds
Sam: We do not know who did it
But we know they didn't do it
Jean Pierre and Sam: So we know who didn't do it
Yes, we know who didn't do it!
Jean Pierre (spoken): They're incapable of being culpable.